Dear Chief Secretary to the Treasury,
I'm afraid to tell you there's no money left.
Signed, Liam Byrne

(Outgoing Labour Chief Secretary to the Treasury. May 2010)

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Accidents happen.

During the first 11 days of his four year sentence, spent within the confines of a high security prison, newly incarcerated prisoner Al Giddy demonstrated sufficiently good character to be moved to a lower category gaol.

Only two days after his arrival, still somewhat disorientated and still learning the routines of the semi-open, Category C, prison, Mr Giddy had the misfortune to collide with another inmate whilst carrying out routine cleaning.

The unlucky bucket-carrier, arms flailing whilst trying to regain his footing on the suddenly slippery floor, accidentally connected his fist with newcomer Mr Giddy's head, before falling backwards into the spreading mess of ordure.

It is unfortunate that there were no witnesses to this accident. Not one of the other inmates-of-good-character was looking in the right direction and nor were the mind-of-their-own security cameras, currently on temporary loan from the metropolis.

Acknowledging that during his previous working life 44-year old, thrice married, not-British-born, father of three Mr Giddy found it difficult to understand many English colloquialisms, including the phrase 'sh1t happens' - which means either 'accidents happen', or 'things don't always go the way you want' - this accident has been both an education and a revelation, although this sudden awareness, along with the realisation that all found-guilty offenders really are treated equally, has done little to calm his new-to-prison nerves.

Although Mr Giddy may have been a little disappointed to learn of Mr Brown's decision to end the 'early release scheme' he is, however, fortunate that the kind-hearted prison authorities have secured him a luxuriously appointed single cell, which will ensure privacy and allow Mr Giddy plenty of 'quality' thinking time during which he can prepare and fine tune the powerpoint presentation for his upcoming appeal against conviction.

Source here

1 comment:

Cold Steel Rain said...


Put up another Moon pic btw. Enjoy..