Dear Chief Secretary to the Treasury,
I'm afraid to tell you there's no money left.
Signed, Liam Byrne

(Outgoing Labour Chief Secretary to the Treasury. May 2010)

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Take him home please.

It's time the people of Scotland recognised how much Mr Brown has done for them, and offered something in return.

He's clearly very happy on his home soil, where he is closer to his ancestral roots. Look at his chirpily cheerful smile - it's enough to melt the hearts of the dourest Highlander.

Now look what happens when he starts worrying about Britain, can't you see the stress it's causing the poor man? Can't you see how he looks older, greyer and careworn?

Perhaps his troubles are to do with a slight conflict of interests, to do with that pledge he signed, back in 1988, called the 'Scottish Claim of Right". This is what it said :
We, gathered as the Scottish Constitutional Convention, do hereby acknowledge the sovereign right of the Scottish people to determine the form of government best suited to their needs, and do hereby declare and pledge that in all our actions and deliberations their interests shall be paramount.

We further declare and pledge that our actions and deliberations shall be directed to the following ends:

* To agree a scheme for an Assembly or Parliament for Scotland;
* To mobilise Scottish opinion and ensure the approval of the Scottish people for that scheme; and
* To assert the right of the Scottish people to secure the implementation of that scheme.
(Further details and the list of signatories are here)

It all worked out too, and Scotland got its' devolution and its' Parliament. So you Scots have to recognise, and reward, the huge amount he's done for the country of his birth.

So Mrs Rigby can't emphasise enough just how deeply she believes the people of Scotland have a massive responsibility for this man's welfare. She believes you should acknowledge, and understand, how deep have been his personal sacrifices.

He has, after all, for thirteen long years, had to spend the greater part of his year in deepest London, where he's been surrounded by Cockney Sparrows and East End scalliwags who speak in tongues so very alien to the ears of someone born north of the border.

Mrs Rigby would therefore ask you to remember all this when it's time to cast your vote.

She asks you to consider how best to ensure that Mr Brown is able to spend his days close to the Manse in Kirkaldy where he spent his formative years and where he'll be welcomed with open arms.


Anonymous said...

Nope, never, not a chance. Sorry Mrs R but we don't want him. I suggest you make him comfortable in the Tower of London and entertain him with the age old traditional methods reserved for traitors.

Indyanhat said...

Agreed Mrs R he should be back home 'in' Scotland, note that the in is deliberate he should not so much be back 'on' Scottish soil as 'under' it, 6 ft would do nicely I think!!!

Catosays said...

Indyanhat.. I agree with the sentiment but I'm not sure that 6ft is enough....more like 60ft might suffice....of concrete.

Indyanhat said...

OK! Cato, I'll chip in if i'm asked just exactly how much concrete will it need???

Chuckles said...

So it's agreed then, erect a monument, and place him under it?

Indyanhat said...

Must be a motorway bridge being built up there somewhere, is that monumental enough for you!!!

verification infan, are they building any fans up there???

The Big Dollop said...


Surely you are not suggesting that DEEP DOWN Gordon is actually a nice guy .. LOL.

For the record - not all Scots people are of the opinion that Gordy Boy is the bees knees.

Why not send him to Rockall instead.